Thursday, March 1, 2012

35 reasons you don't score the HOTTIE in a mountain town

By: Madison Wylde of Bomb Snow Magazine

1 – You ski/ride/fish/climb/talk better than you bone.

2 – You’re boring and your beard smells.

3 – Your dog gets beat up by hers and you always leave afterwards

4 – You got TOO wasted or blazed to hang and have to go home. 
(You have bigger issues if this is the case.)

5 – You have two fashion styles ---- Throw back Neon Oney & Tattered Camo

6 – You favorite restaurant is “anywhere there’s free shit to grub”

7 – You cut your own hair and brag about it at the shop.

8 – You are described at “steezy” and followed by “Ha that asshole, I’m not surprised”

9 – Your truck smells of cigs, booze, your bro’s, your boots, and you

10 – You can’t cut down a tree, pitch a tent (not that kind), build a fire, or hunt.

11 – You’re harder when you watch snow porn than real porn….(titties vs. pow)

12 – Your only music choices are bluegrass, dubstep, and rap

13 – She can rage harder than you (Shots vs. PRBnation)

14 – You wear the SAME BEANIE everyday from Oct-June and your EX made it

15 – You’re 30 years old and still wash dishes, rent skis, bus tables, and eat “Hot & Ready’s” often

16 – You have more than 10 stickers on your board/ski’s you don’t get paid by

17 – You play around with new facial hair fads with your “shotty facial hair”

18 – You wear croakies, a collared shirt, and Chaco’s to “special occasions”

19 – You have a trust fund and still have DUCT TAPE ALL OVER YOUR GEAR

20 – You can’t invite her over to your house because:
a)it’s a car not a house  b) you couch surf c)your roommate is her EX

21 – Her gear is better than yours (skis, board, bike, truck, house)

22 – You call her “Dude, Bro, Man, or Homie”

23 – You work in the “Medical Marijuana”Business – you get her high for free, you will never break 
through to “Hi Mom, this is my Pro Stoner Man.”

24 – You try to have sex with base layers on

25 – You can’t dance (remember dancing takes rhythm, movement, and coordination)

26 – You only respond to her in text or twitter

27 – You don’t need “a girlfriend if there’s no snow”

28 – The only date you take girls on is to a “community meal” for free

29 – You buy presents for others that you NEED ---- like a headlamp or backpack

30 – You have drunkenly made out with more than 5 of her friends

31 – You aren’t creative --- even with a Halloween costume you blow it

32 – She can hike faster than you

33 – You take other chics to her work for a “hook up from a friend”

34 – You cant pay rent till the 5th because you couldn’t “hit the bank with all that pow”

35 – You can’t talk about current affairs other than: the snowpack, the stoke, the bros, your sponsors, and you

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